The Lounge

How often do you get angry? Do you know what sets you off? Do you remember what you were taught about anger when you were growing up?  

Were you taught that it was unacceptable to feel angry? Did you learn to suppress angry feelings and stuff them down inside? Or were you taught, perhaps by example, that it was OK to explode with anger and attack others, verbally or physically? Or were you fortunate enough to learn that while it's OK to feel angry, it's not OK to hurt others, and it's not OK to blame them for how you feel?  

If you were taught to take responsibility for your emotions, to communicate feelings calmly and clearly, and to value both your own and other people's rights, you probably don't have much trouble with anger.  

Now the reason we just asked you what you were taught, while you were growing up, is that anger very seldom has anything to do with what is happening right now, because there are so many other ways to respond.  

People with high self-esteem aren't interested in blaming others for things that go wrong.

Instead, they accept accountability for their lives and know that if things outside them are to change, they must first change internally.  

For people with high self-esteem, change in themselves or in others isn't threatening to them. They embrace change because they believe they can handle it. So if you find yourself feeling a lot of anger, perhaps some work on your self-esteem is in order. 

Do you ever go into the supermarket to buy just one or two things and come out with an entire cart-full?

Do you ever act on your impulses? Acting on impulse can have negative consequences, like when you're in the grocery store. But did you know it can be very positive? An impulse is nothing more than an urge to do something, a suggestion from your subconscious that suddenly surfaces in your conscious mind. The question becomes, do you act on it or not?

Carrying impulses into action is a good way to become goal oriented. But if you consistently invent excuses or reasons why you can't act on your impulses, not much good will come from them.

You might ask yourself, how can I tell if they are impulses that will have a negative or positive result? Well, when you have an impulse to do something, ask yourself this question: Is this consistent with what I want in life? If the answer is no, nip that impulse in the bud, fast. If the answer is yes, act on it. 

If the impulse is something you can do immediately, then do it, because procrastination is the death of many noble impulses. If it can't be done immediately, set a goal and create a clear mental picture of the end result.  Feed that picture every day with the fuel of a vivid imagination and a determined spirit, and you will see great things begin to happen in your life.

Do you have trouble getting your kids to buckle down when there is work to be done? Here are a few tips on how to help your children learn to enjoy work. 

With all the distractions available to kids today, it can be a challenge to settle them into doing work around the home. For most families, each family member needs to pitch in, as they are able. And learning to work in this way, sets a pattern that will be invaluable as the young grow up and enter the workforce. 

First, and maybe most important, set a good example yourself. Young people learn how to approach work by watching the adults around them.  If you are constantly complaining about the work you have to do, don't be surprised if they follow in your footsteps.

Next, teach them that work brings material rewards. Instead of giving them an allowance, or in addition to a base amount that remains stable, set up specific daily and weekly jobs and a fair pay system, with small raises for improved performance.

Even very young children can be helpful and they love earning this way. And remember, avoid punishing a child with special household tasks. This is an almost guaranteed way to create a negative attitude toward work.

Finally, praise even imperfect efforts before you point out any need for improvement.

If you remember the rule that says give three pats on the back for every single criticism, you'll be helping your kids see work not only as a way to earn a living, but also as a way to feel good about themselves and their accomplishments.