The Lounge

How often do you get angry? Do you know what sets you off? Do you remember what you were taught about anger when you were growing up?  

Were you taught that it was unacceptable to feel angry? Did you learn to suppress angry feelings and stuff them down inside? Or were you taught, perhaps by example, that it was OK to explode with anger and attack others, verbally or physically? Or were you fortunate enough to learn that while it's OK to feel angry, it's not OK to hurt others, and it's not OK to blame them for how you feel?  

If you were taught to take responsibility for your emotions, to communicate feelings calmly and clearly, and to value both your own and other people's rights, you probably don't have much trouble with anger.  

Now the reason we just asked you what you were taught, while you were growing up, is that anger very seldom has anything to do with what is happening right now, because there are so many other ways to respond.  

People with high self-esteem aren't interested in blaming others for things that go wrong.

Instead, they accept accountability for their lives and know that if things outside them are to change, they must first change internally.  

For people with high self-esteem, change in themselves or in others isn't threatening to them. They embrace change because they believe they can handle it. So if you find yourself feeling a lot of anger, perhaps some work on your self-esteem is in order. 

Do you ever go into the supermarket to buy just one or two things and come out with an entire cart-full?

Do you ever act on your impulses? Acting on impulse can have negative consequences, like when you're in the grocery store. But did you know it can be very positive? An impulse is nothing more than an urge to do something, a suggestion from your subconscious that suddenly surfaces in your conscious mind. The question becomes, do you act on it or not?

Carrying impulses into action is a good way to become goal oriented. But if you consistently invent excuses or reasons why you can't act on your impulses, not much good will come from them.

You might ask yourself, how can I tell if they are impulses that will have a negative or positive result? Well, when you have an impulse to do something, ask yourself this question: Is this consistent with what I want in life? If the answer is no, nip that impulse in the bud, fast. If the answer is yes, act on it. 

If the impulse is something you can do immediately, then do it, because procrastination is the death of many noble impulses. If it can't be done immediately, set a goal and create a clear mental picture of the end result.  Feed that picture every day with the fuel of a vivid imagination and a determined spirit, and you will see great things begin to happen in your life.

Do you have trouble getting your kids to buckle down when there is work to be done? Here are a few tips on how to help your children learn to enjoy work. 

With all the distractions available to kids today, it can be a challenge to settle them into doing work around the home. For most families, each family member needs to pitch in, as they are able. And learning to work in this way, sets a pattern that will be invaluable as the young grow up and enter the workforce. 

First, and maybe most important, set a good example yourself. Young people learn how to approach work by watching the adults around them.  If you are constantly complaining about the work you have to do, don't be surprised if they follow in your footsteps.

Next, teach them that work brings material rewards. Instead of giving them an allowance, or in addition to a base amount that remains stable, set up specific daily and weekly jobs and a fair pay system, with small raises for improved performance.

Even very young children can be helpful and they love earning this way. And remember, avoid punishing a child with special household tasks. This is an almost guaranteed way to create a negative attitude toward work.

Finally, praise even imperfect efforts before you point out any need for improvement.

If you remember the rule that says give three pats on the back for every single criticism, you'll be helping your kids see work not only as a way to earn a living, but also as a way to feel good about themselves and their accomplishments.

Do you know how important optimism is when it comes to fighting illness and maintaining good health?  It's probably more important than you think.

In fact, it seems like every day a new study is published, reporting solid evidence that the thoughts we think, and the emotions we feel, affect our bodies and our physical health. We now know that the immune system is strengthened by happy, positive feelings of being in control and weakened by chronic anxiety, depression and feelings of helplessness. We don't know exactly how this happens, but there is no longer any doubt that it does.

We also know that feelings of depression and helplessness are almost always a direct result, not so much of the events that happen to us, but of the way we habitually interpret and respond to those events. In other words, we have learned ways to behave and respond to life that are literally making us sick.

The good news is that since this behavior is learned, it can also be unlearned. It is possible to turn yourself into an optimist by learning techniques that help you control your thoughts, substituting self-esteem building messages, for the negative thoughts. It does take conscious thought, for a while, as you build the new habit of replacing the negative with a positive.

The Pacific Institute has been teaching people how to do this for over 40 years. If you want to learn, you can do it, too.

I have a question for you. What is a sure-fire sign that an activity, and it doesn't matter what it is, is going to be boring?  

You can be sure that an activity is going to be boring, if the person who is doing it is bored. Now this may sound perfectly obvious - but let me tell you a bit more about what I mean.

When I was in college, I took a class in Shakespeare that I enjoyed a great deal. One day, when we were discussing King Lear in class, one of the students made the comment that he thought our textbook, "The Complete Works of Shakespeare," was boring. Well!  The professor drew himself up to his full five feet six inches and said something I have never forgotten. "Young man," he said, "there are boring books and then there are bored readers reading fascinating books. I am afraid you are one of the latter."  

I believe boredom is a subtle form of negative thinking. I've heard it defined as hostility without enthusiasm. It often contains elements of fear or anger, and sometimes both. 

So when you find yourself feeling bored, ask yourself if there is something you are anxious or angry about. Look beneath the surface and see what is draining your enthusiasm, what you are resisting. Boredom can be a signal that you may be just a step away from doing some real growing.

Remember: boredom, like beauty, is strictly in the eye of the beholder.

Let's talk a little bit more about how accepting challenges can help you. 

Life sends all of us challenges that we may not feel up to meeting. But when we create our own challenges, there are special benefits.

One time, an archeology professor, who had not been in the field for many years, was offered an opportunity to join an expedition to search for lost cities in the Northern Andes. Since it meant 30 days on horseback in high mountain jungles, and scaling 3,000 foot high cliffs to search for ancient tombs, it was something he thought twice about at age 50.

Yet, accepting this special challenge not only brought him a renewed sense of competency and excitement in life, it also significantly changed his assumptions - and those of his family - concerning the whole concept of aging and maturity. He found that it wasn't age, but rather his spirit and courage that counted, and he returned with a new zest for life. (After all, isn't 50 the new 40?)

Why not test some of your assumptions and call upon resources that your ordinary/everyday life doesn't use very often? A trip to a totally different culture will do it, or try learning a sport or other activity with which you have absolutely no experience. Put yourself out there!

How long has it been since you really challenged yourself? Do you remember how good it felt? Good - now do something about it!

Do you sometimes feel like you are stuck in a rut, one that seems to get deeper every day? Today let's talk about something we can do to help ourselves climb up and out.

Are you feeling stuck these days? Do you feel like you've run out of gas and are stranded in a place you don't want to be? If so, one way to get yourself moving again is to create your own challenge.

Now, if you're wondering "Why in the world do I need another challenge, when I haven't been able to solve the problems at hand," it's because creating your own challenge is different. It can give you the opportunity to purposely test yourself in new situations, and then return to the old problems with renewed vitality, vigor, and strength.

By creating a challenge, you set the limits of the test, based only on your own estimation of your ability to get it done. The risks you'll be taking are self-determined, so the challenges you create are completely different than those that have come to you unbidden. They become touchstones of growth, a proving ground for inner potential, a reminder to you that you are competent. It will be a great boost to your self-confidence!

Choose a challenge that has meaning to you, not just to those around you. Make it something that you really believe you can pull off. Tackle it with all the energy and resources you have to make sure you succeed. Then, when you do, use that success to catapult you out of your rut and on to bigger things - and smoother roads!

Many people think of creativity in terms of output, or something produced, but that is not necessarily so. We don't come into this world stamped "Creative" or "Not Creative" - at least we shouldn't be. Today we are going to look at the meaning of creativity.

You know, many people believe that in order to be truly creative, they have to be producing something - composing music, making paintings, designing furniture or clothing - things that have real, measurable output. But it's not necessarily so.  

Creativity is an attitude toward life, and is more a matter of improvisation and inspiration than of producing something we can label as "creative" - something admired or socially useful. Whenever we see something in a new light or from a new perspective, we are being creative.  

Each of us, if we are open and searching, can become creative in doing those simple things in our lives that are creative and original to us. We can be creative in the way we bring up our children, the way we teach and learn, the way we communicate and listen, and in discovering new ways to approach old, familiar things. Creativity can be expressed in the way we approach a picnic at the beach or in tending a beautiful garden.

You see, creativity is there inside us, not in the things we produce. With it, we can discover and celebrate the fullness of our own personal nature. True creativity is what helps us to make the most of our lives and live up to our own individual potential.

Have you ever gone shopping to buy just one or two things and come home with a couple of bags full? Let's talk about the pros and cons of making impulsive decisions.

Do you ever act on your impulses, or make spontaneous decisions to do things? Most of us know that acting on impulse can have negative consequences, like when you're in the grocery store or investing large amounts of money. But did you know it could also be very positive?

Let's take a closer look. You see, an impulse is nothing more than an urge to do something. It's a suggestion from your subconscious that suddenly surfaces in your conscious mind, and as such, it deserves to be considered. In fact, carrying impulses into action can be a good way to become goal-oriented. Of course, it can also be a way to get into serious trouble. So how do you decide whether to act on an impulse?

Well, try asking yourself if the impulse feels like it could be in harmony with the person you most want to be. If the answer is no, nip it in the bud, or at least defer it to "later." If the answer is yes, do it and do it as soon as possible, because procrastination is the death of too many wonderful impulses.

If it can't be done immediately, set a goal and create a clear mental image of the end-result you most want to bring about. Affirm and re-visit that picture every day. With the fuel of vivid sensory details and a determined spirit, you'll begin to see some extraordinary positive changes in your life - and your good choices will assist you in your new goal of being a positive role model!

Just about everyone knows that good role models are important for a child's development, but have you ever thought about why this is true?

One of the pillars of The Pacific Institute' education is the practice of visualization, because we've learned that our mental images, for the most part, are what determine our reality.  In other words, the way we see ourselves, and the world around us, is what decides how we will behave, and how we behave determines, to a very great extent, what will happen to us.

Role models serve as living, breathing mental images that help us visualize the way we'd like to live.

What kinds of role models are best?  No question about it, people we can actually get to know.  You see, while it's helpful to read about an admirable person in a book or magazine, watch an inspiring life story in the movies, or watch successful people on TV, it is much more powerful when we can actually interact with someone who shows us possibilities for ourselves.

When we can do so on a daily or regular basis, as we do with parents, grandparents, teachers and so on, this has the most powerful impact of all.  And remember, parents, your kids will learn far more from what you do than from what you say.  The best role models only need to set a good example and let the kids figure the rest out for themselves.